As I stated in a previous post, I would like to move my blog along more swiftly by creating an entry for every month. This is the one for November, chronicling my dates with Amin over that month.
On November 2nd, I had my first proper date with him as his girlfriend. We had seen each other at Halloween (see "First Days" post), but we had been doing school work in the library. November 2nd was a Friday, which meant that we had time and much less stress. I met him after his TA session and we went out for supper. I remember that it was a colder day, so I wanted to wear a sweater. I wanted to look good too, though, so I picked the purple one with sparkles. Amin always remarks on what I wear, saying that it is nice and that I am pretty, which was at first more or less easy for me to hear, but which is now so very appreciated. We went to Juliette et chocolat, somewhere we chocoholics had
surprisingly not yet been. The place was quaint and very busy. We had a delicious hot chocolate sample, then asked for a bowl of our own (it was the first time I drank out of a bowl as opposed to a mug or cup and I found that the chocolate cooled much too quickly for my liking). My sister and her boyfriend asked to come by to see us, so after ordering, we popped ourselves outside Juliette et chocolat to say "Hi". My sister commutes each week from Ottawa where she goes to University, so she couldn't come inside with her giant bags full of clothes and books. Normally I would've said that such a meeting didn't make much logical sense, since it was short, she was laden down with her various things and so on. However, I was glad that she was taking and interest. She had already met Amin at my birthday, but she wanted to acknowledge him now as my boyfriend. She wanted to show that he was important in my life and to introduce him to an important person in her life. If you ask my sister's boyfriend, he will first and foremost say that he is Canadian, however, he is also Indian. He grew up here, but his parents came over from India, so he has both cultures in his heritage. I was so glad that Amin got a chance to meet him early on, because I knew it would reassure him. It would show him that we Carons date guys based on their personality, not their ethnic or cultural background and that our parents are fully supportive of and welcoming of our choice. I had neglected to mention my sister's boyfriend's background; I wanted Amin to see for himself. So this one brief moment had much significance. Amin and I found ourselves soon back at our table and in sweet chocolate bliss. I ordered the crêpe with strawberries, bananas and semi-sweet chocolate. He went for the one with all the fruits. I finished mine and it was just the right portion for me, but alas, Amin could not finish his! He gazed longingly at his plate, full to bursting and I told him that that's why I made sure there were only two fruits in my dish, otherwise I knew I would not be able to get through it. The only slightly awkward moment came when it was time to settle the bill. I asked him how we were going to do that. He asked me to repeat, so I thought he hadn't heard, but we were having a comprehension problem. Once he got the gist, though, he insisted on paying for supper. I was about to learn in the coming months that my negotiating power in this area was almost nil. I just breathed and tried to go with it, because I knew that it was important to him because of his culture's values and that thus far I had not been allowing him to do what was comfortable. Like with the other aspects of dating that I was getting used to, I was quiet on the outside and trying to quell the voices or arguments inside. After supper, we had planned on a movie. Amin assured me that his office would be empty on a Friday night and that we would be alone, or close to it, to watch this film. I was nervous because I knew that some of his officemates were Iranian. During our discussions about public displays of affection, he asked that we be careful in front of his colleagues because he is a private person, but also particularly because Iranians don't date. He wanted to be secretive not because he did not want to acknowledge me as his girlfriend, but because he wanted time to tell people and certain people would require more time than others. For example, on October 25th, he came home and told his best friend that we were going out. His cousin, however, was another matter. I figured he would probably be one of the last people to find out. Amin and I walked into his office and there were about five people already in. My nerves went up a notch as I wondered how these strangers were labelling me: Amin's friend, Amin's girlfriend? We came in silently, trying not to disrupt their work and sat at Amin's desk. I pulled the DVD from my purse and he set up two pairs of headphones so we could hear the movie. I didn't imagine that there would be a way to concentrate on the film with so many other bodies in the room, but it actually worked fairly well. I had picked a good film for that: Phantom of the Opera. Two things I didn't tell Amin and still have not confessed are that I watched this very movie with Frédéric and that I really think we should've taken his laptop as I suggested and found a quiet spot outside of his office to watch it (the whole rest of the floor was deserted). We managed to pull off this odd viewing because Phantom of the Opera is one of those truly magical films. It completely absorbs you into its world, with the genius of Andrew Lloyd Webber's music, the stunning cinematography, the exquisite costumes, etc. As soon as Christine began to sing "Think of Me", one of my
favourite pieces in the movie, I felt Amin's hand grab mine, firmly and excitingly clasping it. I just stared at the screen, trying not to alter my facial expressions. This was exactly the sort of thing Amin made me promise we would Not do in his office. I didn't pull my hand away, but I didn't keep his there. He did let go after a couple of minutes, perhaps recollecting himself. I couldn't help wondering if anyone had noticed and continued being on my very best behaviour for the duration. Afterwards, I suggested that I needed some air. That was polite code for: let's go have some alone time! We found a bench to sit on and I sang a few bars of "Think of Me" for him, to his delight. We talked a bit about the movie, but we did more of that in the weeks following this date. It was the first time we were not strictly "in public" since we had talked about disliking public displays of affection; his office had still been too public. I felt it was also an opportunity to make good on my will to work on kissing. Amin was surprised because he had expected me to need more space. I told him, as I expressed in my entry "My True Love's Kiss" that I felt I really needed to practice rather than abstain to get past this hurdle. He was so attentive, asking me again and again if I was sure and if I was okay. I was okay. Not being terrified was a good start. We finished the evening with him accompanying me part of the way home and my playing some of Loreena McKennitt's "Tango to Evora" on my penny whistle for him (more on the subject of Loreena later, I promise!). He was so impressed that I remembered his favourite piece that he was not sure whether he should be posting "Think of Me" on his facebook profile or "Tango to Evora". I think he ended up with some references to both. We were both well pleased with how this date went.
November 10th was our next date. Amin came to pick me up at work. When I finished up for the day, I caught him out of the corner of my eye, but I had a parent to speak to. I greeted my tutee's father and gave him the requested feedback about his son's progress in Math. Afterwards, I went up to Amin and wasn't sure how to greet him. I gave him a hug and asked if he'd like to see my classroom. We went quietly down the hallway for a few paces, until we were out of earshot of my coworkers and the students, he said under his breath, "I hate you!" Startled, I asked him why. He said he'd overheard me speaking Spanish to the father and wanted to know if there were languages I couldn't speak! I'm laughing now as I write this, but I took it very seriously at the time. I explained that my communications in Spanish are quite rudimentary and that he should've heard me hesitating and searching for words. The upshot of it was that Amin was teasing and was very proud of my linguistic abilities. Once we got to my room, I said something quiet about "this is where I teach" (or tutor, rather). He was in a hurry to get going and I was trying to get him onto my wavelength, something that had played out romantically and seamlessly in my mind, but not exactly in reality. I don't know how I managed to get him to take a couple of more steps inside, but as soon as he was far enough from the door (which has a small window), I kissed him. He told me later that he found that clever and that it was a very pleasant surprise. It was one of the first times I initiated and it was definitely our first kiss while standing; he was delighted. He was so distracted, it took him awhile to realize that he was holding his coat in his hands which he finally let drop onto a desk. We hadn't planned on staying at my work originally; it kind of developed that way. We had some loose plans for the date, but we had been having difficulty deciding on exactly what we wanted to do all week. So we had some ideas and the rest was kind of going with the flow. The first thing we did was chat a bit. I was not feeling very well, as is often the case after a few hours of tutoring. I remember feeling weak and asking if he didn't mind if we stayed at work a bit so I could rest, so I could sit and eat. Amin had been about to ask me if I'd had lunch and when he heard I hadn't, he was adamant that I should do so at once. So I pulled out my sandwich and snacks to reenergize. When it came to it, I didn't want to get moving just yet. Understanding and agreeable as ever, he was totally fine with just staying quiet on what was supposed to be a "big date". One thing we had talked about was going to see a movie, but we had not found anything particularly appealing out in theaters. I'd brought a couple of DVDs of my own in case perhaps watching one became a possibility. I asked Amin what he thought and he said it was a great idea. That way we didn't have to go anywhere while I was recuperating. I let him choose and he went with Kate and Leopold. Watching the movie on the plastic chairs was not super comfortable, but the television in my classroom worked out really well. We were interrupted briefly by the security guard who was locking up the rooms. I never stayed that late and was nervous that she might want to kick us out. She said that as long as we were finished up by 5:00, that was fine. I assured her we would be. The movie ended somewhere around 4:30. Amin enjoyed it as I expected he would. We have the same taste in movies and never have anyone that is willing to watch them with us. We often get the comment: "You're watching That again?!" from others. It is so nice for both of us to finally have someone to watch movies with.
I was feeling much better at that point, so I proposed we go skating as planned. Again, Amin needed to be reassured that I was truly up for it. Once that was settled, we got into the car he had rented especially for our date and headed to L'Atrium le 1000. He was glad to save me energy by driving, not to mention that having a car made it feel much more like an occasion. Most of all, he was simply thrilled to be driving with me sitting next to him in the passenger seat. He said something like, "You do not know how it is to be me driving with such a lovely and precious person beside me in the car." No, clearly in his incoherent burst of emotion, I could not really know how it felt, other than to say that it made him so very happy. My sister had talked about "going skating at Bonaventure" as a strictly couples thing. Not to say that friends don't go skating there, but that oftentimes you find couples on the ice and that it could often be considered a typical dating activity. Far be it from me to want to do something popular or stereotypically date-ish in Montreal; Amin and I had strictly practical reasons. I had skates, but he did not. It is not everywhere that you can go skating and also rent skates, so Bonaventure it was. I had not set foot on a rink in awhile, so I was curious to see how it would go. Amin had never skated before; it was his first time. I was even more curious to see how he would do. I promised him that I would hold his hand and that he would not fall as long as I was holding his hand. To my amazement, that is exactly what happened. We stepped out onto the ice and I helped him through the awkward first turns when you have such a hard time moving more than a tiny bit at a time. Little by little, he started to take some bigger strides. His balance was good generally speaking; for the rest, I steadied him. We were we in danger of falling only a handful of times, when Amin was thrown far off kilter, but each time I managed to pull him back to center. One of those times, I'm the one that lost my balance and he held me and prevented me from falling. I could hardly believe that it was his first time on the ice; normally that would've surely have caused both of us to fall. Later, he observed to me that when I held his hand that I was transferring a lot of energy to him through it. I had no idea I was doing that. He said it helped sustain him and keep him upright. Like any good instructor, I started telling him to let go of my hand and skate on his own. At that point, that is really the only way you can progress. Amin didn't like that very much; he would go a few feet and then be looking for me. I was never far behind or ahead, always watching out for him. As time wore on, I did manage to get him to go around once on his own. We skated for quite awhile, taking only a few rests. I was impressed at my stamina; I had not thought I would last that long. Amin was too, but then he said that it was because I was skating more slowly with him. He encouraged me to strike out on my own a couple of times while he rested. One time in particular, I skated faster than usual because I recognized The Box's song "Closer Together", one that I like. Amin said he enjoyed watching me "skate for real" and that the way I found the rhythm in the music was beautiful; he said it was like dancing. He was just so full of compliments as he reflected on our date. I was telling him the next day that I could proudly say to everyone that my first-time skater did not fall once. I could still hardly believe it myself. His reply was: "Hmmm... it seems I found my balance in everything not only my life; I needed you to find balance in everything sweetheart". See what a sweetheart He is? The experience had a magical quality for both of us. By the time we stopped skating, most of the places in the foodcourt had closed. The pizza place was still open, though, so we grabbed a slice. I know that Amin had hoped for something more romantic on a "big date", but we once again went with the flow. It was nearby, we were tired and I definitely needed to eat and would not have been able to wait for dinner service. I also remember having Orange Crush, something I hadn't had since elementary school! Right then, that was the coolest thing. Afterwards, Amin drove me back home. He stopped the rental a little beside my place. Concealed by a tree, he leaned over and kissed me before getting out of the car. I had the impression that was the best kiss of the day; I had the feeling of never wanting it to end. He then helped me get my work things and my skates out of the trunk and bid me goodnight.
On November 16th, Amin was invited over for supper for the first time. I was of two minds about this visit. I was of course happy to have him over, but I was nervous about how meeting my family would go. Well, to be more accurate, I was nervous about him meeting my Dad. Generally speaking, Dad says awkward or stupid things, even when there is company. He has been particularly inhospitable to boyfriends in the past (for example, talking about "taking out his shotgun" just to see if he could freak the hell out of my sister's teenage boyfriends). Amin told me that he was not concerned about it and asked me not to worry, but the truth is that I was more worried about my not being able to handle it than him not being able to. He was, however, eager to be prepared for all other aspects of the visit. He started asking about what my place is like, what our habits are and etc. so that he could get a good idea of what he was walking into. So I don't think he was without a little anxiety walking in. I answered all of his questions in the most detail I could to help him feel more confident. It turns out that all of the stress was for nothing. Everyone behaved well, including my Dad. We managed to make a good first impression on Ali and I think people also liked him (though sometimes it is difficult to get a sense of a mostly quiet boyfriend on a first visit!). We managed to not make a serious dietary faux-pas too (courtesy of my Mom). My parents made chicken cacciatore, something we hadn't had in awhile. As I discovered later, technically speaking no Muslim should eat meat that is not halal, but Amin and some of his relatives had decided upon coming to Canada that though they would opt for halal if given the choice, they would not pass up on certain experiences, such as having a meal home-cooked by friends. We did, however, avoid the bigger problem: Mom made sure we skipped the white wine in the sauce. Amin explained to me that even when alcohol burns off during cooking, it is not okay for Muslims. Thank God my Mom pays attention to details and is smart about such things! He was a bit disconcerted when he found out that I had briefed my family a bit on how to behave, like telling Dad not to offer him alcohol (he has a tendency to push booze on people; you have to refuse at least three times for him to stop asking and if ever he pours for you, he stops about 10-15 seconds AFTER you say "when"!). Despite my Dad's spur-of-the-moment toast which was awkward but livable (something about how he was happy that Amin makes me happy; his random bursts of emotion often do not feel genuine) and his interrogation was limited to Amin's thesis topic. Having my sister's boyfriend being present as well was helpful; it showed Amin what it was like to be more comfortable and integrated into the family dynamic. He really reacted positively too to my Dad's random "welcome to the family" bit in the toast (what, like we were getting married or something?!). Talking with him later, he expressed to me that it was so nice to be at a family gathering, something he had not experienced in 2 years; I realized in that moment how lonely it can be living in a different country without your family and thus how good it felt to be present and also accepted into our albeit off-beat group. Besides that, the main general feedback I got from Amin about the evening was that supper was good, dessert (fruit crumble) was divine and
that my family was very nice, particularly my Mom. Then there was the evening from our perspective. When Dad went to pick up the boyfriends, Amin handed me a beautiful bouquet of roses and showed me the box of Lindt chocolates he had picked up for Mom. I was still not yet fully settled into the mind-frame of being the girlfriend, so I thought the flowers were also for Mom. The flowers were always for Mom; Mom loved flowers and people brought her flowers. No one ever brought me flowers. It took my brain a few minutes to actually compute this. My flowers. They were MY flowers! Not only that: they were Roses! I was speechless. I had never felt the need for anyone to get me roses, but now that I had some, I felt it was such a nice gesture. I got to enjoy them for many days, because they lasted well. What a wonderful way to start the evening! When we arrived, Mom greeted us, then left us to our own devices, as planned. I had asked for us to have the use of the family room. That was tough to negotiate, since Dad would normally be watching television at that hour. We were granted that time before supper to have the space to ourselves. I was really looking forward to sharing more of my music with him, so we had decided to take some time at the piano. I was nervous at first, as I typically am when I have an audience. That usually passes fairly quickly, though. I haven't taken lessons in a long time, but I enjoy playing and really just do it for fun. I had been unexpectedly inspired to pull out the first piece I had taught myself to play at the age of nine: the easy version of My Heart Will Go On. I had misplaced the sheet music for the longest time, but it had resurfaced just a few days prior. Nervous, I didn't sing the first verse, but began at, "Love was when I loved you, One true time I hold to...". I was looking at my fingers and not at his reaction, but I could feel he had gotten quiet beside me, the sort of hush you get when you want to hear everything perfectly or when you are completely mesmerized by what is before you. His praise of my playing was warm throughout. My goal had been to play the songs from Phantom of the Opera for Amin and get him to sing along with me. He had been nervous at this prospect when I first voiced it shortly after seeing the movie, but it grew on him. He had looked up lyrics and listened to the music in anticipation. It took him a little while to chime in, though. We started with "Think of Me", which was meant to be helpful in that Raoul doesn't have a lot to sing in that piece and would help Amin build up some confidence. No such thing. I sang both Christine and Raoul in that one. Then came "Angel of Music" and I was still singing everyone's part. I think he came in with me the first time at "Phantom of the Opera". What I remember is that "All I Ask of You" was sublime. We did that one twice. I was so thrilled to have someone to sing with me and Amin enjoyed it a lot too. We agreed that we should do this often as it was so much fun.
On November 24th, Amin was invited to a birthday celebration for one of his office mates. It was at her place and significant others were also invited. He really wanted me to go with him; in fact, he thought of it as an occasion for us and was not keen on going without me. I was very flattered at being asked because it meant that he was going to officially introduce me to many of his office-mates. I was going to be recognized as the girlfriend and slowly begin integrating into his world.
*** And this is where the entry in my drafts trails off. What I remember from his office mate's party is just a few details here or there. I know we talked a bit with the office gossip, who Amin said was already pretty sure we were dating and dying to talk about it all over the lab. We talked probably most with T, Amin's best friend and gym buddy. By the time I talked to the birthday girl herself, it was close to the time Amin and I were leaving, and she had had a bit to drink by then, so she wanted me to know that it was MY job to teach him French. Yes, yes, I would, I assured her.
It was my intention when I was first writing this entry to consult my calendar and my messages from Amin to fill in details I didn't remember. At this point, I realize that it is holding me back and delaying my progress in this blog to be going into that kind of depth. Looking at my calendar for November of 2012, there are no other dates written in, so I feel safe enough to conclude here for this entry.
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