Friday, 14 September 2012

First Ultimatum

Hopeful 6    Hopeless  2

Since I have been so busy with my homework, I have not been on any dates since I went for tea with Steven (and then again, I am not sure that one counts!).  True to my word to everyone, no one was the exception to this rule.  My blog was not updated and no guys got special permission to see me while I was completing my term work.  However, a couple of things did transpire in the meantime and are worth noting here.

On August 11th, I got an e-mail from Paul.  I am just realizing now that he hasn't gotten a lot of space on my blog yet.  He is the only guy I'm corresponding with that is younger than me.  He is a law student who hopes to change the world when he becomes a lawyer (good luck!).  He e-mailed quite regularly and wrote fairly good-sized messages.  This e-mail in August was just on that subject: on how frequently he was corresponding.  He told me that he felt like we were pen-pals at that point.  He was writing to say that he is not looking for a pen-pal and that he was not really interested in continuing to correspond in that way.  He was looking to meet someone and wanted to know where I stood.

I remember feeling shocked when I got this message.  Here was someone who seemed to not mind corresponding at all and taking things at a moderate pace.  All of sudden, out of the blue, he was in a hurry and issuing an ultimatum.  He didn't want to keep up with me unless I was ready to meet him.  This e-mail actually made me feel bad.  There was nothing wrong with the way he wrote it.  He was being up front and stating what he was looking for, which is fine.  But for some reason, I felt bad, so I waited until the next day to answer him.  This is what I replied:

Hi Paul,

I can understand that corresponding by e-mail feels like being Pen pals. It is not for everyone, for sure. I did not start out on Plenty of Fish imaginging that there would be so much electronic correspondence; it kind of just happened!

I am certainly not opposed to meeting. Right now, I am just not available because of my school work. I am looking to date, but school is something that always comes first for me. It also takes up a lot of my time because my illness does not permit me to complete my work quickly. It takes a lot of my energy and doesn't leave much left over for other things.

So if you are okay to wait until September to meet me and understand that my social time is limited, then let me know.


He was quite satisfied with that answer and thanked me for offering to meet him.  I wrote him no further messages as per his preference, until this week.  I told him that I was finally through the bulk of my term work and that I could see him. He was still happy at the prospect of meeting me and we are in the process of setting a time for next week.

I suppose I had to expect sooner or later that one of these guys would feel like this.  It makes sense to me that they would not want to be "friends" or just write messages for long.  I guess I just didn't really expect it to come in the form of an (albeit politely worded) ultimatum.  I think I handled my first one pretty well.  So far, none of the others have made this kind of request.

I have some misgivings, however, about meeting Paul.  I don't get vibes from everyone and certainly not usually through a computer screen, but I have had some from Paul in the last couple of messages he's sent me.  Call it an instinct, perhaps.  I am keeping an open mind, but I am wary because these e-mails have made me feel bad.  The messages themselves are totally fine; they are not impolite or weird in any way.  I just got really bad vibes when I read them.  I will have to meet him and see how it goes in person.  I'll of course keep you posted!

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