Thursday, 26 July 2012


Hopeful 7   Hopeless 2

I have officially survived my first week on Plenty of Fish.  There have been ups and downs, but I have not gotten eaten by any large fish.  There are more ups and downs yet to come, I'm sure, but for now I'm sticking with it.

It's occurred to me that there have been a few firsts over the past couple of days besides its being my first week on the project.  I don't usually like to put the negative part first, but I am trying to stay in chronological order.  Last Friday, I got a message from one of the guys who had messaged me.  I never got his real name, so we shall call him Freedom based on his user name.  I had explained to him as I had to many other people that I was not answering my messages very quickly because I was feeling very overwhelmed by how many I was getting.  He had been one of the impatient people and that continued despite my message meant to pacify him and get him off my case.  Freedom made some comment about how if I only would stop wasting my time with the guys who just wanted to sleep with me, I would have more time for him.  I had sensed his arrogance from the very first message and had had misgivings.  I wanted to give him a fair chance like everyone else, though.  Here, though, he had clearly blown it.  So I told people, "I've met my first jerk."  I rather expected I would've encountered one a lot earlier, but there we have it.  When I had received other strange or silly messages, I had simply ignored and deleted them.  This one was different, though; I felt he really needed someone to tell him that he needed an attitude adjustment.  I wanted to knock him off his golden pedestal a bit.  So I sent a one line reply that was not too sharp (I had vented earlier on paper and checked with Mom to make sure I wasn't going to send him something rather nasty or descend to his level) basically saying that it was rather writing him that was a waste of my time.  I held my breath and hoped there would be no reply.  There was.  I was right.  He is a jerk.  Freedom wrote to say: Ah oui, puis en passant, va dont de faire foutre salle conne :).  I was in shock because everyone else I had encountered on Plenty of Fish had been polite, even when rejected.  I couldn't believe it; this was the first time in my life anyone had told me to f off.  I told my friend Stella and she got right and indignant on my behalf: "What, is he five?" she exclaimed.  Thanks, Stella, you made me feel a lot better for getting angry for me.  This goes to show that you should always trust instincts, because I knew there was something not quite right from the very first message.

This next first I thought was going to be awhile in coming.  I thought I was not going to reveal to anyone that I have health issues for some time, but I ended up telling Alex this past Saturday (Alex is the History student I mentioned who is also a guitarist and a writer).  I told him first because of the question he asked me about how active I am.  It turns out that he has more of a tendency to being quiet like me, rather than high-energy "get up and go" as I had thought when I saw his question.  I explained to him that to maintain my health, I needed to have a fair amount of physical activity, but that paradoxically my condition often prevents me from being active.  Then he asked more specifically what I have, so on Sunday I wrote to give him a short description without being too dramatic I hope!  I know my health will be a deal breaker for some people, but Alex says he's okay with it.

Another first which I was also surprised at myself for was giving out my e-mail address.  I wanted to hold on to my address with an iron fist, even though it is only my pseudonym e-mail.  I made an exception for Amin, though.  I mentioned that he made a good first impression; evidently this was mutual.  He sent me a message on Saturday to re-relay a message he'd already sent "in case it got lost".  I could tell that he was beginning to worry that I was not writing him back.  I sent him a message reassuring him that I was not losing interest and gave him my e-mail address so that I could reply more readily.  When I told him that he was the only one I'd transferred to e-mails, that also made him feel special (which he is; he is a very nice guy :).

Sooner or later, I knew that the first date would come.  I had thought it would arrive a lot sooner, actually, but it was certainly soon enough for me!  I was being lulled into a false sense of security since all of these guys were making pretty conversation online.  I would forget sometimes that at some point there would be the business of meeting in real life.  Though I had thought more than once about not going out with any of them, I said yes to Siavash.  Although his user name is BlueGuy, he is very positive and I get good vibes from him.  He may not be my first date after all, but he is the first to ask me (that is, in a direct way, not in a nebulous non-committal "perhaps we could meet up" sort of way).

The first I was most definitely not expecting was the first rose!  Yet there it was on Monday morning in my Plenty of Fish inbox.  The site enables you apparently to send two roses every thirty days.  So you do have to be choosy about who you send it to.  I did not intend to use this feature, but it seems that Huiqi did (he is the History student who was very enthusiastic).  This was slightly uncomfortable, because I don't know Huiqi all that well and here he is sending me a red rose, ultimate symbol of romance (albeit electronic, but still a rose).  He apologized for the "cheesy online rose", so that made me wonder what exactly that was all about.  I never do this, but I felt like messing with him just a little bit.  I asked him why he should send a rose and then apologize for it.  I asked if he really did mean to send it.  He answered my test well, by saying that a pretty girl like me deserves a rose and that he was simply apologizing because it was not a real one and that perhaps one day he would have occasion to give me a real one.  Nicely done, Huiqi.

This rose really reminded me of the whole Bachelorette phenomenon.  Anyone who has ever watched either the Bachelor or Bachelorette on ABC knows that it is absolutely crazy for one person to date 25 other people.  And what greater torture is there than a rose ceremony, where people are singled out like that?  I had been thinking about how Plenty of Fish gives you way too many people to date very much like the television show and receiving the rose from Huiqi was just a fresh reminder.  I felt I really needed to put a stop to it before I ended up like the Bachelorette!

This is what the Plenty of Fish rose looks like!


  1. apparently I get a lot of feed back on my profile,,, all great ones but one ? maybe you can help me out? what do you think about my page? >>
    About Tracy James
    Okay...Hello to all of you.
    And yes! I will take offense if you don't think I'm serious or try to get me to have sex with you beforehand. And if you don’t want to respect my decision then I'm sure you’re not the one I have been looking for. Please don't waste our time.
    If you want to go out get a drink play pool or chill at the river then let's go. If you have pictures of your tit's or coochie all popping out then I really don't want to meet you. It’s nice to look at. Yet I would not bring you home to meet my family. Now that I’m almost 40ish it's not all about the sex and party all the time. I have actually grown up and am looking for a companion that is done with all that stuff too. I can fix anything and have all the tools to do so .I'm very handy to have around, will help any of one of my friends with anything they need at any time day or night.
    And please if you’re on the rebound or still married then do not even send me an email. Yes separated is married.OMG what’s up with that crap...Please have recent pictures too and if your hiding behind something or have blurry pictures and we can’t see your whole self then I don't want to meet you in real life. Been their done that. Oh and if you have something that needs to be said before we meet then please tell me beforehand. (example) > You have An ex-boyfriend that’s trying to catch you with another man so he can slash his tires and start a fight with him because you have kids together and will probably get back together. Just saying......
    Okay, so here's an idea. If your here to meet someone, then maybe we should look at the pictures, think to our-self .(wow cute) then send an email ask the normal Q's then set up a coffee meeting at Starbucks’s to see if there’s a click or not. And either set-up our first date, or go on our marry way. And find another victim. LOL @ victim...
    I thought we are here to find our best friend/love/soul-mate..? I’m looking for someone that doesn’t have a lot of baggage. As in ex husbands or boyfriends that are still involved in their day to day business. Kids are fine, as long as they are respectful and have their *^*^& together.
    Nonsmoker would be best but open to a smoker too. It really doesn’t bother me that much. I do not smoke or drink I will drink a beer once in a blue moon. I love to drive around and see things. Paint cars, play scratch its, watch jay leno, BBQ, bake, food shopping, and much more.
    I'm FIT and would like to find someone else that's FIT as well. And likes going to the gym from time to time and bike rides or swimming and even a walk on the waterfront just to people watch.
    Well this concludes my pitch to find my next best friend and I look forward into meeting you soon. Thanks’ for your time and Good luck to all of us ~~
    Oh if and you like to play scrabble send me a chat request and let's play...
    ~Yours truly

    First Date
    Our first date will be a(SPONTANIOUS MEETING) to see if we would like to go on a (DATE). And it should TAKE PLACE IN THE MIDDLE somewhere in a (PUBLIC PLACE), I believe it should be (DUTCH).
    Some of you might say my profile sounds negative but the reality is, I'm the only one that has GUT’S enough to say what everybody is thinking. So (SUCK IT) J k.

    I put dating with nothing serious yet I’m focused on what I want, yet hesitant to believe it exists.

    P.S I will give up this dating site when I find a mutual connection but until then I will date openly and keep my options open I feel it takes time to get to know someone and there's no harm in meeting new people.

    1. Hi Tracy,

      Most of my Plenty of Fish messages started out with “I like your profile”. I don’t know if everyone says that or not as a way to break the ice, but the reaction seemed genuine because of the warmth in the messages as well as specific reasons why guys would connect with my profile. I don’t really know what it is I did that produced such favourable reactions. I can perhaps give you some ideas.

      My strategy in filling out my profile information was to focus on myself. I don’t like the idea of selling myself or of bragging, so this wasn’t easy for me. I thought, though, that it would be important for people to read the profile and get an idea of what I’m like. I was honest in everything I wrote in my self-description and tried to make it representative, so that anyone reading would be getting to know me (which I figured, after all, is the point of being on Plenty of Fish). I also thought about keeping it brief, because I figured that guys would not read my profile if it took up a lot of space. If you’re interested, please refer to my entry “Information Overload” to see my “About me” section from my profile.

      I realized quickly that a lot of people use their “About me” box to talk about what they want in a relationship. I think that is a good idea, because there is no other place in the profile to really touch on that. It is a way to get to know a person too, at least one aspect of a person. I notice that most of your profile is focused on this. And within that, you mainly talk about what you don’t want. That is honest, direct and, totally your right. However, if you make this the main focus of your profile, not only can it make your profile sound negative, it can make you sound negative, which is, I am sure, not what you would like to project about yourself.

      I believe in attracting flies with honey. I think you can be authentic while being positive at the same time. I also firmly believe in putting positive thoughts out in the universe if you want to receive positive thoughts back. I think online dating requires a bit of a leap of faith; it takes a lot of patience and as optimistic an outlook as possible for it to work for you. Perhaps you are afraid of attracting too many flies with honey and perhaps some that are less than desirable. From what I can tell from your writing, you already have the experience to be discerning and see which first messages you receive will be worthy of your time and energy and which will not be. You don’t have to answer all first messages. Trust yourself and your instincts.

      Furthermore, Plenty of Fish already does have a bit of an “x people need not apply” built in. If you modify your Mail Settings, these filters will appear on your profile. For example, this is what appeared automatically at the bottom of my profile:
      To send a message to Elise_Caron you MUST meet the following criteria:
      Must not have messaged users looking for intimate encounters or sex.
      Must not be looking for Intimate Encounter
      Must not do drugs
      So not only will it block certain people from sending you messages in the first place, it can serve as a message to people reading your profile what your values or deal breakers are as well. You don’t have to then write these things into your “About me” box and can leave room for other things.
      So my suggestion to you would be to write more about yourself in your profile. I am sure, Tracy, that there is so much more to you than what you’ve already put in your self-description. Let them know what makes you tick. That, I think, is what they will respond to.

      Thank you for writing in. I hope some of this was helpful. I know that online dating can be discouraging at times. Try to stay Hopeful.

      Wishing you the best of luck,

      ~ Elise

  2. Well thank you,
    here is a few of the emails I received in the recent past >

    3/12/2013 12:21:29 AM
    Hi Tracy. Iam Trina. I just read your profile - you go! I believe things should just be said out right and its nice to see that.
    If you want to meet up for coffee as you indicated let me know. You can call or text me at 503-!
    Have a fabulous week!
    3/8/2013 7:53:57 AM
    Hello! That is true, your profile is extremely honest and straight forward... although possibly a bit negative? Have you had some
    bad experiences with online dating?
    I'm not really sure we're a good match, but it is refreshing to see someone brave enough to just say what they think and feel,
    so who knows?
    4/24/2013 10:40:03 PM
    You have a really well written profile :)
    4/6/2013 3:17:52 PM
    I know I am not what you are looking for, (you are very clear on what you want/don't want), but I really enjoyed reading your profile.
    It made me laugh. I guess I never realized that you guys run into the same thing with some women that we run into with some men.
    Anyway, good luck to you. :)

    6/7/2013 2:29:43 PM
    Whew-hoo! You go!!! Best profile I've read since I got on here a day ago. I think we could be great friends! Have no idea whether
    it would be more or not but whoever does right? Anyway, just wanted to send you some support for being honest and demanding the
    respect that you deserve. Have a great weekend!


    I have deleted one or two of the letters in their names to keep them anonymous. I just wanted to know what you thought about my profile too. I have received about 3200 response's,So far I have only 1 negative one. Not bad I guess.
    so I again thank you very much. I will go change a few things on my page. take care and ill see you in the funny pages....:)
    ~Tracy J
    THANK'S Markus